The Iceman Bringeth The Pain!
by Dack Ordo
Summary: The story of Johnny Snow, Dr. Horrible's wouldbe nemesis.
1. Chapter 1

The Ice Man Bringeth… The Pain!

** PERSONAL JOURNAL OF JOHNNY SNOW SUPER HERO EXTRAORDINAIRE**

July, 24

So I think I finally figured out this whole super hero thing. Cool super hero name, check. I mean come on, Johnny Snow; I was born for crime fighting. Cape, double check, found a cool one with a hood built right in. Super hero lair, still working on that one, mom says I can have the garage if I'll just clear out all of my action figures and get a "real job". What does she know? How can I work at some soul crushing minimum wage hellhole when there's evil lurking the streets just waiting for the cold clammy hand of justice to come crashing down. I mean come on, it's right there in the word. What do you need to stop crime and evil; "Just-ice". Speaking of which, super awesome catchphrase, check.

Now all I have to contend with is my absentee nemesis, Dr. Horrible. He still won't return any of my e-mails. Probably too busy _not _taking over the world. I waited for over 45 minutes in Dooly Park and nothing. I think another strongly worded e-mail on that joke of a blog of his should do the trick.

** PERSONAL JOURNAL OF JOHNNY SNOW SUPER HERO EXTRAORDINAIRE**

July, 25

Tried to confront the good doctor today, but was jock blocked by that wannabe tool Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, What kind of hero name is that anyway? He doesn't even carry a hammer! Where is the hammer you giant bastard?

Anyways, downloaded the plans for sweet snowball cannon from a guy in China. Just have to find a way to keep the snow… you know… cold. Right now it's more of a "lukewarm water cannon". While inconvenient, it doesn't really strike fear into the heart of anyone. Well, except maybe Cat Woman. Ha! I'm so clever.

**Chapter 1**

** A Hero and His Cape**

"Really doctor, there's kids in that park?" Johnny said turning from his monitor in disgust. "Do you see this crap Ryan?"

"What the hell bro? I'm trying to raid here!" Ryan said not looking up from his own monitor. "You're supposed to be healing us. Game face bro!"

"I have more important things to worry about right now." He said as he stood up and threw open his closet.

"More important than me kicking your ass for bailing on us? Damn, you just got us all killed!" Ryan screamed. To a normal person, what Ryan saw when he turned around would have been shocking. " Oh balls, not this again!"

Standing before him was Johnny Snow super hero extraordinaire. Or, as he was known to the rest of the world; Jonathan Snowitski III… in painted rain boots and a parka. This whole get up was a recent obsession of Johnny's that his family was choosing to ignore.

"That's right friend, wherever there is crime, wherever a child cries out in pain, wherever there is…"

"Shut up dude." Ryan interjected. "You know your mom will kill you if she sees what you did to her parka, right?"

"Fear not citizen, for I purchased this with my allowance. And it's not a parka, it's a cape." Johnny said irritated.

"What are you doing? We have work in an hour."

Moving to the window and preparing to jump, Johnny said. "Justice waits for no man!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Ryan tried to warn.

"To the Snowmobile, hiya!" Johnny said leaping.

With a crack, a thump, and the sound of shattering lawn gnomes, Johnny landed in the yard below. Ryan poked his head out. "I tried to warn you."

"I think… I broke… my pelvis…" Johnny said weakly.

"You fell five feet, onto grass, and rolled into those gnomes. You're good bro." Ryan said.

"Shut up and get the first aid kit, you ass!" Johnny yelled stifling a sob.

After patching his various boo-boos, Johnny continued on his journey. He was headed to The Sanctum, a meeting place for heroes such as himself. Situated in the stockroom of his local comic store, it was the one place he knew he could go for help with his dreaded nemesis. It may not be as fancy as Captain Hammer's command center, Johnny thought, but was the command center next door to a pizza hut. I don't think so.

Johnny entered the store and heads turned as he made his way to the back.

"Halloween isn't until October dude!" A customer said as he passed.

"Up yours good citizen," Johnny called over his shoulder, adding under his breath. "You'll rue the day you douche."

As he entered The Sanctum he noticed that it was fuller than usual. At the head of the table sat DJ Red Chariot, MC and de facto leader of The Sanctum. The true leader in The Sanctum was Gay Batman, but he was banned from the store for reasons unknown. Seated to the DJ's right was Chives, his faithful butler and friend. Johnny thought it was strange that someone who could afford a butler was using the rundown store room of a comic shop as a base of operations.

"Ah, Mr. Snow, good of you to stop by," Chives said hefting himself out of his chair. "To what do we owe the pleasure sir?"

"I've finally had it with Dr. Horrible." Johnny said. "I need your help DJ."

"Yeah!" Said the DJ.

"How can we be of assistance sir?" Chives sighed disinterestedly.

"Well, so far my efforts with the snowball cannon have been less than fruitful," Johnny said.

"Word!" The DJ interjected.

"And Dr. Horrible seems to be getting better equipped every day." Johnny continued eying the DJ. "I saw that you were able to help the Blonde Bombshell with her jetpack design, and I was wondering if you could do the same for me and my snowball cannon."

"Cold!" Replied the DJ.

"I think we can assist you." Chives added. "Laptop sir?" He said to turning to the DJ.

"What?" Asked the DJ.

"The laptop sir, can you hand it to me?" Asked Chives, annoyed.

"Cool!" Said the DJ handing him his laptop.

After a bit of searching Chives found the correct file. "Is this to your liking sir?" He asked turning the laptop toward Johnny. On the screen were the plans, not for a new and improved snowball cannon, but an ice beam.

"Of course," Johnny said excitedly. "What do I owe you for this?"

"Nothing sir, our reward is success in defeating Dr. Horrible." Chives replied, handing Johnny a disk of the schematics.

"What!" Replied the DJ.

Johnny got up and headed for the exit before they could change their minds. Finally, Johnny thought, with these I'll be able to stop the doctor for good. Now he just had to make it to work on time.

"Copy Hut, ho!"

**A/N: This is my first fic, let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

** PERSONAL JOURNAL OF JOHNNY SNOW SUPER HERO EXTRAORDINAIRE**

July 26

Finally have the plans for my ice beam! Just having a little trouble funding it since I got fired from the Copy Hut… You try to save the world, and what do you get? You get fired from some low paying menial job. Well, once I stop the doctor they'll all see! He's going to be at the mayor's dedication tomorrow. Not going to be able the take him on my own without the ice beam. Better call for some back up. LAPD should have my back.

** PERSONAL JOURNAL OF JOHNNY SNOW SUPER HERO EXTRAORDINAIRE**

July 27

Well that didn't go as planned. Showed up waiting to take on the doctor and instead Captain Hammer shows up and starts chucking cars. That's the last time I trust the LAPD with any info. I see now that if I'm going to avoid the super tool that I'm going to have to do this on my own. No new status update BTW on the ice beam. Time for some recon on the doctor, wish me luck. 

**Chapter 2**

** The Hammer Strikes Twice**

After the fiasco at the mayor's dedication Johnny followed the doctor to a rundown apartment building at the edge of town. For a super villain he sure has a crappy place, Johnny thought as he sat in his van for the third straight day.

"Dude, you need to go home and shower!" Ryan said from the back of the van. "It smells like something crapped directly _in_ my nose."

"This is a stake out; I have to be ever watchful" Replied Johnny.

"Can you at least change into something besides that smelly ass parka?" Asked Ryan.

"It's a cape! And no, I didn't think to bring more than one change of clothes." Johnny said tossing another empty energy drink in the back.

"Hey wait, is that him?" Ryan asked pointing at a guy in a hoodie leaving the apartment building.

"Of course not, I would have noticed if… Damn it all to hell!" Johnny screamed starting up the van. They followed the doctor to a coin Laundromat just down the street. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"Some people do this crazy thing where they put their clothes in a big machine with some soap and it makes them all clean and non-moldy." Ryan said sarcastically.

"Fascinating, but enough of your techno mumbo jumbo, we have a job to do." Johnny said.

He climbed in the back and began changing into his civilian clothes. He gathered his outfit, and proceeded into the Laundromat. The doctor was sitting on a dryer and talking to a girl.

"Dude, this is weird." Johnny whispered to Ryan.

"I know. Why is she dressed like Snow White?" Ryan whispered back.

"Let's get closer, but remember, think stealthy." Johnny said.

They sat and "covertly" listened to their conversation. "Dude, this is going nowhere." Ryan said. "She doesn't seem to know who he is. Let's get out of here."

"Just keep your panties on, we…" He stopped midsentence when he heard the name Captain Hammer. "Crap, super tool is coming here? Quick, let's get the hell out of here." They made their way toward the door but just as they were about to make it, Captain Hammer walked through the door. "Quick, look busy Ryan." They busied themselves with the nearest dryer and listened. Slowly it dawned on Johnny just how much of a dick Captain Hammer was. How could Penny, the girl DR. Horrible had been talking to, not see how much of a tool he was? How I could have ever looked up to this jerk is beyond me, he thought. Finally the captain left with Penny.

"Bro, let's get the hell out of here, he looks like he's about to go postal." Ryan said indicating the doctor.

"Good idea," Johnny said pulling his still dripping outfit out of the washer. "Back to the van quickly."

They got back to the van and sped back to Johnny's house for a change of clothes and a resupply of energy drinks. Johnny threw his outfit and work uniform in the washer, grabbed his mom's video camera, and left. Back at the doctor's apartment they climbed the fire escape to get a better look at what he was up to.

"Dude, he's just talking to himself and a picture of the chick from the Laundromat," Ryan said. "I think he's finally snapped. Just leave the camera and let's get back to the van."

"Fine," Johnny said putting the camera in the window. He ran a cord from the camera down to the van below.

After another few days of watching, Johnny finally got something he could use. "He's planning something for the homeless shelter dedication." Johnny said to himself. Ryan had left a few hours after they had planted the camera. "Crap, I'm going to have to stop him myself. Captain Hammer will tear down half the building if he knows. To The Sanctum, hiya!"

At the Sanctum, Johnny made a b-line for the back room. The DJ and Chives were already seeing The Yellow Jacket.

"DJ, I need your help!" Johnny said cutting in.

"What!" The DJ said.

"Excuse me, but I believe I was…" The Yellow Jacket said, but Johnny cut him off.

"You wanna find out what your own blood tastes like?" Johnny said scowling. The Yellow Jacket got out of his seat and ran for the exit.

"Damn!" The DJ interjected.

"What can we help you with today good sir?" Chives said turning to Johnny.

"I need the parts and funds to build my Ice Beam." Johnny said.

"Cold!" The DJ added.

"And why would we do that? What's in it for us?" Chives replied.

"I don't care whatever you want." Johnny said angrily.

"Word!" The DJ said interestedly.

"We want full credit for any crime fighting you do with it." Chives replied.

"Fine, Whatever dude, just give me the stuff." Johnny yelled. With the supplies and funds Johnny went back to his parent's house for a long night of building.


End file.
